août 13, 2022

Secret Of How to Have a Good Conversation

I want to see by a show of hands how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food? (Laughter) How many of you avoid at least one person you know just because you don’t want to talk to them? (Laughter) You know, for a polite conversation, I used to follow Henry Higgins’ advice on My Fair Lady: stick to the weather and your health.

But these days with climate change and anti-vaccination (Laughter) these topics are also unsafe, and so this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to turn into an argument where politicians can’t talk to each other and where even on the smallest of issues The importance of finding someone to fight passionately with or against them is not natural The Pew Research Center studied 10,000 adults in America and found that at this moment, we are more polarized and more divided than we have ever been in history.

We are less inclined to compromise, which means we no longer hear each other and make decisions about where to live, who to marry, and even who we will be friends with based on what we already believe. Again, that means we don’t listen to each other. Conversation requires a balance between talking and listening and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.

Part of this is due to the technology of smartphones that are either in your hands or close enough to be taken up quickly. According to Pew Research, about a third of American teens send more than 100 text messages a day. And many, most of them, are more inclined to text their friends than to have a face-to-face conversation with them.

There’s a beautiful piece in « The Atlantic  » written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell. He gave his students a communication project and he wanted to teach them how to talk about a single topic without using notes. He said, « I came to a realization.. (Laughter ) I came to the realization that communication competence might be the most overlooked skill that we failed to teach.

Children spend hours every day for hours. They exchange ideas with each other through screens but rarely get the opportunity to hone their interpersonal skills 149.876 –> 153.052 This may sound funny, but we have to ask ourselves: This may sound funny, but we have to ask ourselves: Is there any skill in the 21st century more important than being able to maintain a cohesive and confident conversation?  » Now, I make a living talking to people: Nobel laureates, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.

I talk to people I like. I talk to people I don’t like. I talk to some people I disagree with. » Deeply on a personal level. But I can still have a great conversation with them. So I want to spend the next ten minutes teaching you how to talk. And how to listen. Many of you have heard a lot of advice on this, things like looking people straight in the eye thinking about interesting topics.

To discuss it up front like, nod your head and smile to show that you care. Repeat or summarize what you heard . So, I want you to forget about all that advice because it’s stupid. (Laughter) Because there’s no reason to learn how to show that you’re alert and alert and interested if you really do care.

(Laughter) (Applause ) I actually use the same skills as a professional interviewer as I do in real life , so I’m going to teach you how to interview people and that’s really going to help you learn how to be a better speaker Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored and please, without offending anyone We all had really great conversations.

We’ve had it before, and we know how it is. The kind of conversation that after it ends, you feel connected and inspired, or when you feel like you’ve made a real connection or are completely understood. There is no reason why most of our dealings would not be like this. So, I have 10 basic rules.

I’ll walk you through each base, but honestly, if you pick one and master it, you’ll have better conversations already. Rule one: Don’t multitask and here I don’t mean just leave your smartphone or leave your mobile device, your car keys or whatever in your hand. I mean, be there. Be present at the moment.

Don’t think about the argument you had with your boss 285.576 –> 288.216 Don’t think about what Don’t think about what you’ll have for dinner If you want to get out of the conversation Get out of the conversation but don’t be half in it and half out of it Second: Don’t sound like an expert if you want to give your opinion without any opportunity to respond, argue, or Repel or grow, write a blog.

(Laughter) Now, there’s a really good reason why I don’t let the critics on my show: because they really are boring. If they were conservative, they would hate Obama, food stamps and abortion. If they were liberals, they would hate the big banks, the oil companies, and Dick Cheney. They are completely predictable.

And you don’t want to be that way. You want to enter the conversation assuming you have something to learn. The doctor told the famous psychotherapist, « Scott Beck, » that true listening requires a person to put oneself aside. Sometimes that means putting your personal opinion aside. He said, by sensing this acceptance, the speaker would become less imposing and more likely to reveal the innermost secrets of his mind to the listener.

Again, suppose you have something to learn. Bill Nye said, « Everyone you’ll meet knows something you don’t. » I put it this way: everyone is an expert on something. Rule 3: Use open-ended questions. In this case, this characteristic was taken from journalists. Begin by asking who, what, when, where, why or how.

If you ask a complex question, you will get a simple answer. If I ask you: « Have you been afraid? » You will respond to the strongest word in the sentence, which is « fear ». The answer will be “Yes, I was afraid” or “No, I was not afraid. ” “Was I angry?” “Yes, I was very angry.

” Let them describe it. They are the ones who know what it is. Try to ask them questions like: “What was that? ” How did you feel?” Because then they will have to take a moment to think about it. And you will get a much more interesting response. Rule four: Go with the flow. This means that thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them out of your mind .

Often times we hear Interviews The guest is speaking for a few minutes and then the host interrupts him with a question that seems out of context and has already been answered.This means that the host stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this very smart question, and he was determined and determined to We do exactly the same thing.

We’re sitting here having a conversation with someone, and we remember that time we saw Hugh Jackman at the coffee shop. (Laughter) And we stop listening. We wait for the moment we get the story into the conversation about Hugh Jackman and Coffee Stories and ideas will surely come to you You need to let them come and go Rule 5: If you You don’t know, say you don’t know.

Now, people on the radio, especially NPR, are more aware that they’re under recording, so they’re very careful about what they claim to be experts on and what they claim to know for sure. Do it, be on the side of caution. Talking shouldn’t be cheap. Rule 6: Don’t equate your experience with theirs.

If they are talking about losing a family member. Don’t start by talking about the time you lost a loved one. If they are talking about the problems they face at work, don’t talk about how much you hate your job. It’s not the same thing. It is never the same. All experiences are individual.

And most importantly, the conversation is not about you. You don’t need to take a moment to prove how amazing you are. Or how much you hurt and suffered. Someone once asked Stephen Hawking what his IQ was, and he said, « I have no idea, people who flaunt their intelligence are losers. » (Laughter) Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.

[Conversations in the 21st Century] [How are you today?] [Read my blog!] Rule 7: Try not to repeat yourself. It’s sympathetic, and it’s really boring. And we tend to do it a lot. Especially in business conversations or when we have conversations with our children. We have a point we’d like to make, so we paraphrase it over and over again.

Do not do it. Number eight: Stay out of the weeds. Frankly, people don’t care about the years, or the names, the dates, all those details you’re trying so hard to remember in your mind. They don’t care. What they care about is you. Care about how you are, what you have in common. So forget the details.

Leave it aside. Rule 9: This is not the last, but the most important. listen. I can’t tell you how many VIPs have said that listening is the most, perhaps the single most important skill you can develop. Buddha said, and I quote, « If your mouth is open, you don’t learn. » Calvin Coolidge said, « No one really listens on their way to losing a job.

 » (Laughter) Why don’t we listen to each other? The first reason: We prefer to talk. When I speak, I do control. I’m not obligated to hear anything that I don’t care. I am the center of attention. I can enhance my identity. But there’s another reason: there’s something that’s distracting us.

The average person speaks 225 words per minute, but we can listen to 500 words per minute. So, our minds are filled with 275 words. And I know, it takes effort and energy, to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can’t do that, you’re not in a conversation. You are nothing but two people exchanging yelling sentences that are hardly related.

in the same place. (Laughter) You have to listen to each other. Stephen Covey said it beautifully. He said, « Many of us do not listen with intent to understand. We listen with intent to respond. » Another final rule, number 10, is this: be brief. [A good conversation is like a short skirt, short enough to hold attention, and long enough to cover the topic.

.. sister] (Laughter) (Applause) It all boils down to the same basic concept, and that is: Be interested in people. You know, I grew up in the shadow of a very famous grandfather and there was some kind of ritual in our house. People would come and talk to my grandfather or grandmother. And after they left, Amy would come up to us, and she would say, « Do you know who this was? » She was the runner-up to Miss America.

He was the mayor of Sacramento. She won a Pulitzer Prize. He is a Russian ballerina. And so I grew up assuming everyone had something hidden and wonderful about them. And honestly, that makes me a better hostess. I try to remain silent as much as possible. I keep my mind open, I’m always ready for something to surprise and I’ve never been disappointed.

Do the same, go talk to people, listen and listen to people, and most importantly, be prepared to be amazed. Thank you.

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